If I am being honest with you all, which I typically am, I must share with you about my continued growing pains. I share this because I know that there must be others out there that can relate, and that if I share, it might help someone not feel like they are on "an island". School is hard. About a month ago, during finals week, I experienced a panic attack. I may, or may not have, thought I was going to die. I'm half playing when I say this, but in that moment when I could not breath...I wasn't sure just what was going to happen. If you've ever experienced anything like this, then you know it is pretty scary. Thankfully, I have really loving parents, friends, and roommates that helped me through. But, I'll admit...I couldn't shake the feeling of such heavy anxiety. Once I got home for the nice month long break, that anxiety did began to subside and I knew things were going to be okay. I've also been able to identify some reasons for this anxiety. School, academically, will always make me nervous. I want to do my very best, but I also want to have a nice balance with academics and my social life. Sometimes, this feels like an unreachable goal. Anyone else? I am a very social person who is involved in several different areas of campus life, while also seeking a positive life rooted in christianity, but that is way harder than it sounds. Last semester gave me everything I dreamed of, as I've identified in other posts, but at the same time, I've felt very off balance. Coming back to school has made me realize how hard it is to make everything work, but also how rewarding it is when it does work, and that I want to keep striving to have all these things.
Along with school, there is this overwhelming pressure of trying to figure out what I want to do with my life after graduation. All my roommates, and a lot of my friends, are seniors starting their last semester of school and it has really had me thinking about how unprepared I am for my future after TCU. I mean I am not getting any younger (lol), but truly that pressure has not been easy for me to face. I am also in search of an internship this summer that will enlighten me and help me discover more of what I want to do in the future. I am not sure what that will be or where that will be, but I am trusting that God will lead me to the proper place. If you would, pray with me about that.
And then, just the part of fitting in, and finding my place...that is always at the forefront of my mind. You guys know from reading my blog that I struggle with confidence. Having all of these new (and old) friendships is wonderful. But, do you ever feel like you are still looking at the friends that don't place you very high on their priority list, and then focus on that friend and the "whys" instead of on the ones that are bending over backwards and doing flips just to be a part of your life?? Haha! Well, I'm focusing on the ones who've gone out of their way, here in this blog, and from now on. I was lucky enough to have many people travel to my sweet home town during the Christmas break to be with me and my family. So blessed by this. Sam, JoPo, Patrick, Allie and Mandy...you guys are the best.
I am also a huge planner, as you know (haha, thank to my parents, it's in my blood). One of my friends who was supposed to come but cancelled at the last minute really put me in a tail spin. I was initially pretty irritated because I had passed up a ski trip (insert sad face here) and I had planned to drive back to school with company. So...after taking a minute to get over these hiccups...God again provided in the form of another friend; my sweet cousin/sister/friend Hillary cancelled her flight back to Dallas just to ride with me!!! Can you believe that?? I'm a pretty good friend to people and I'm not even sure I would have done that!! She is such a light in my life--THANK YOU HILL!!!
A huge thank you to my family and friends for an amazing break. I don't know how such amazing people were placed in my life, but I thank my lucky stars each day that I am surrounded by people who value me, my feelings, and my friendship. Seriously, my parents were so amazing this break hosting my various friends and putting up with their oldest moving back in for a bit. But, I think they loved it to. Atleast that is what they said...hahaha!
Anyway...cheers to family, friends and figuring it all out!!!
Southern and Thankful
Blessed is an understatement when it comes to my life. Each and every day I am amazed by God's steadfast love. In return, I have claimed this space to show my thanks and whatever else comes along the way. A student at Texas Christian University who loves any creative insta post, all donuts, and dress pants that make you do a double take. I pray God has a grand purpose for me and I plan to get there with a little Southern and a lot of Thanks! Join me!