Have you ever been broken? I guess in my case I have been feeling physically and mentally broken. It is actually something I can cross of my list because I cannot really recall a time in my life where I have felt this way. If you caught on to the "physically" part of that phrase then you are probably wondering what I meant by that exactly. Allow me to explain:
On February 25, 2017, while volunteering at Dance Marathon, which raises awareness for child cancer, I somehow fractured my scapula. I say somehow because
1. I have never broken or injured a bone in my life. I guess there is a first time for everything.
2. I was on a bouncy blowup obstacle course. What are the odds of that?
Between the doctors I have seen, and other medically inclined friends I have heard things like:
"How did you do that? That's nearly impossible!!"
"Injuring that bone takes extreme force Cade."
"That happened to my son, but he fell from 50 feet."
"This must be your first athletic injury." - L O L
Basically it is very hard to do and most people I have come into contact with are shocked that I, Cade Bethea, did that to myself. I mean I am also kind of shocked. Luckily, no surgery or cast. For the past almost month, I have been wearing a sling and though I am gracious because it could have been much worse, it was still not much fun. You never realize what a disadvantage it is to only be able to use one arm. I couldn't drive. I couldn't type. I couldn't do laundry. I couldn't trim my nails. I couldn't tie my shoes or put on socks. I couldn't carry my backpack. I couldn't sleep on it. I mean the list goes on and on. Nothing really has ever made me think, and be so thankful, in this type of way. I never realized how many routine things that I take for granted day after day.
Between having the flu, losing my phone while camping, and then fracturing my scapula- the past almost two months has left me feeling pretty broken, in many ways. But through of all of this, I was AMAZED...like BLOWN AWAY...at all of the love, support and comfort I received from the people around me at TCU and my family all the way in Arkansas. I cannot thank my roommates enough for driving me places, getting me food, and helping with the littlest of things. Even a, "is there anything I can do for you?" went such a long way with me. My friend Sam Baxter not only took me to the doctor after my injury (I was racing him on the obstacle course at the time- I won BTW), but also again later in the week at 7:45 a.m. and I will never be able to thank him enough. Even random people that really don't know me from Adam would ask me what happened and hold the door open for me. Every professor asked, and made me feel very comfortable. A guy that I know that lives near me passed me on the walk home and after discussing what happened, we each kept walking our separate ways. A few minutes down the road I hear someone running and it is this dude chasing after me asking if he can pray for me and my shoulder- Y'ALL talk about kindness. And so he did. Right there on the side of the road. I could have cried. I have never really had to face anything like this without my parents constant care. They really do make things so easy, but this time you could say I am learning what it means to grow up. Thank you to everyone who showed me any act of kindness. I will never be able to explain how much that kept me going. I am so blessed and loved. There is no better feeling.
However, I'll admit, all of this was placing a giant strain on me. I had so much going on at school and aside from the obvious, I was for some reason caught up on the people, whom I would do anything for, that barely said one word to me about my wellbeing. I think I was in shock at how insensitive people are. It really hurt my feelings, especially with a few people whom I place such a high priority on in my life. I just did not understand why it felt like my God was trying to break me. Over the past few months I have constantly found myself crying out to God saying: what in the world is going on? what am I doing wrong? - I truly didn't know how much more I could take. It has been one thing after another. Literally. And all I could feel was how broken I was. Of course, then I was quickly reminded how many other people DID care, and went out of their way to help me. I say all of this to say...
the devil is always going to be there tempting you and trying to make you feel sorry for yourself, feel negativity, feel isolated or alone...Those demons are always going to be riding shotgun and the only thing we can do is keep our eyes forced straight ahead- on the good things. We may not understand what God is doing or why people treat us wrongly, but that is all part of having faith and trusting that He is going to take care of us. But, I lost sight of it a little...again...you can only do so much with one arm... But I realized I have been wasting time on things, and people, that do not waste there time on me. I was letting those demons into the drivers seat and they were driving me into some dark places.
I have definitely taken back the wheel, but each day we have the choice to focus on the demons or on our faith and for me that is something I have to remind myself of every single day. Especially in times of trial. I am sharing all of this because I do not want anyone to ever let someone else or some situation make them feel like they are not good enough or strong enough. You can do ANYTHING if you have faith. Being physically and mentally broken has taught me that. We are all broken and when we realize that, we will truly be able to blossom under Him and His love! It reminds me of the verse I saw this weekend..."for when I am weak, I am strong"...He's got me!
Southern and Thankful
Blessed is an understatement when it comes to my life. Each and every day I am amazed by God's steadfast love. In return, I have claimed this space to show my thanks and whatever else comes along the way. A student at Texas Christian University who loves any creative insta post, all donuts, and dress pants that make you do a double take. I pray God has a grand purpose for me and I plan to get there with a little Southern and a lot of Thanks! Join me!